Fallen Heroes
by The Ambitious Blank
Summary: After everything is over, Sora thinks back on everything that's happened, and wonders how everything has changed so much. (RikuSora hints, angst.)


  
**Fallen Heroes**   
**By The Ambitious Blank**   
****   
**Disclaimer**- Kingdom Hearts isn't mine.   
**Comments**- Okay, sooooo.. yeah, I guess I don't have an excuse here. XD I just felt like writing something new. Just updated "Of Promises and Paopu" (Ch. 6).. SHOULD work on the ARCHANGEL Project, decided against it. ^^;; Sorry. Anyway. Lots of angst, Sora's POV, takes place after what I assume is the end of KH2.. everyone is back where they belong, Sora is now 16/17 and therefore is allowed to be a lot smarter and wiser. ^.~;;; Riku/Sora stuffs. Basically, it's Sora thinking about Riku and everything that's happened.   
  
~*~   
  
It's hard for people to grasp the concept of heroes.   
  
Little kids get it in school all the time.   
  
'Write an essay about who your hero is.' Says Mrs. So-and-so. The kids do. They write about all sorts of people.   
  
I always wondered what it would like to really be one of them. Not for the fame and fortune. Not for the recognition. Just for the feeling. The pure joy of knowing that you alone made a difference. That maybe.. a single person really can change the world.   
  
I got my chance.   
  
A hand, offered to me in the midst of a storm. I reached. I struggled to reach him. But.. I was pulled back. Something didn't want me to take that hand.. and as I discovered later, it was a good thing I hadn't.   
  
Darkness.   
  
Darkness was always a thing I'd been afraid of. Something I always knew lingered inside every heart, even his. I refused to believe it. I didn't want to believe that darkness could possibly corrupt my best friend. Not the Riku I knew. Not the one who would laugh and help me up when I fell, who would tell me girls were stupid when Kairi used to tease me, and I got upset. Not him.   
  
Not my Riku.   
  
I wasn't the only one who noticed when he began to change. He would stand in the surf, stare out across the endless ocean. The waves crashed around him, lapping at his ankles, calling to him. Calling to my Riku. Beckoning him to escape, to leave the place he grew so bored of.   
  
_"Isn't it boring?"_   
__   
It was such a simple question, and yet I couldn't provide such a quick answer.   
  
_"The same thing, day after day."_   
__   
Such a simple question. But then again, I was a simple child. I didn't understand what he was asking of me.   
  
_"Don't you ever want to get out of here? Leave this place, you know? Go on real adventures. Not this kiddie stuff."_   
  
We did.   
  
We had our adventure.   
  
There were so many things that went wrong.   
  
I'd like to say I could blame someone. I'd like to say it was someone's fault. But it wasn't. No one could interfere. I had landed myself in my own story. I was the hero. Just like I'd asked.   
  
I suppose.. when people told me, "Be careful what you wish for", I should have listened.   
  
It was nothing like I'd imagined. There wasn't any glory. No constant happiness. Sure. I had courage. I had strength. I had the Keyblade. I had my heart. But.. it wasn't like the stories I'd heard. It was nothing like what I thought it could be. I tried to make it that way. I tried to smile, to laugh, as though this hero business was no problem. Destiny had another plan for me, and so I was forced back on track.   
  
I told myself.. so many times on that quest.. that I wouldn't cry.   
  
I told myself again and again.   
  
_"This is the way things are. Get over it."_   
__   
_"Don't be such a crybaby, Sora."_   
__   
There were nights that I cried myself to sleep. There were nights where I cried so much I _couldn't_ sleep. I was always alone. I had my new friends, I had Donald and Goofy. I had, seemingly, what every other hero had.   
  
Sometimes, I go to a mirror, and I stare at the reflection that answers me.   
  
I used to be so happy.   
  
Then.. I became a hero.   
  
"Why.. do I look so _miserable_?"   
  
I ask myself this. Everyday. It's become almost an obsession with me.   
  
Some days, I come close to tearing my hair out. Why won't the memories go away?! Why can't I be happy?! Everything turned out just like it always does. We're back on our island. We're back together. Everything is placed exactly where it used to be. But nothing's the same. Nothing.   
  
_"I wonder.. when we get back to our island.. do you think things will be the same between us?"_   
  
Kairi had asked me that once. After we'd restored her heart, and we'd taken her back to Traverse Town. She looked at me, with those innocent eyes of hers. Another simple question. It would be so easy to lie. Tell her everything would be fine. Let her keep that innocent stare.   
  
The thing was.. that was the only way I knew how to answer.   
  
I was a naive kid. I believed everything would be okay, in the end. If I was truly in a hero's story, no matter how unorthodox it seemed to me, all heroic tales end with happy endings, right?   
  
_Right._   
__   
That's all I had to keep telling myself. That was the fuel that kept my fire going. That everything would someday be okay again.   
  
It's almost _laughable_, the way I fooled myself so easily.   
  
I can always pretend I don't see it. I can always act like I don't see the burning sadness in his eyes when he brushes past me. The horrible remorse and pain that echoes throughout his entire body. The way the dried tear streaks never seem to fade away on his cheeks. I want to reach out.. I want to do something.   
  
But I've already screwed up.   
  
Isn't it my fault I couldn't save him? Isn't it my fault I didn't get there in time to save him, before his heart was lost, and he was forced back into Kingdom Hearts?  
  
Isn't all this my one huge mistake?   
  
I'll never forget that look. That gentle, understanding smile he gave me as the door closed on him. How he masked all his pain.. just so he could make me feel better. So I wouldn't feel so guilty for all this. He knew me so much better than I knew myself.   
  
I wanted so badly to cry. So badly to burst into tears, pound my fist into the ground. So badly to scream. But she was there.   
  
Kairi.   
  
Kairi was always touchy whenever I brought up Riku. She always avoided the conversations I tried to start. She never liked the idea of us getting together. So.. I made sure she never had to cry. If Riku and I were together, we stayed away from where she'd be. I always gave her the answers that would give her hope, even if there was none in sight.   
  
I let her stay sheltered. I had to protect someone.   
  
Now, I'm a mess.   
  
I wake up some mornings, my pillows and cheeks stained with tears, remnants of dreams formed from my memories.   
  
_"Take care of her."_   
__   
_"I thought you were stronger than that."_   
__   
_"We'll go, together.."_   
__   
Words haunting my mind. There are times when I wonder whether or not I might be going crazy.   
  
I spend my days trying to act as though nothing happened. I still sit under the shade of the palm trees, I've even gone back into the secret place and tried to draw something on the rocks. But nothing came to me. Nothing that wouldn't bring back those painful memories.   
  
So, here I was. Slumped against a palm tree, waiting for yet another day to pass me by. Because, once the adventure is done, heroes are remembered, but the glorious days are over. So much for that.   
  
"Sora?"   
  
I looked up, and my heart jumped within my chest. _He_ stood there. _Him_, with his haunted green-blue gaze. The bags under his eyes from lack of sleep. The streaks from endless tears that stained his beautiful face.   
  
My Riku.   
  
My once so bright and smiling Riku.   
  
"Sora. I want to know. I.. I want to.. I.." Riku dropped to his knees in front of me. My eyes widened faintly, and I reached out, letting him fall into my arms.   
  
It didn't surprise me, really. Riku barely ate, barely slept.. he'd hardly touched any food since he'd gotten back to the islands, we'd practically had to force feed him to get him to eat. He couldn't sleep, he was always crying.   
  
Before we'd come back.. I'd never seen Riku cry. Not once. Not even as the door to Kingdom Hearts shut him out from me.   
  
I held him close, and he pressed against me in his unconscious state. I sighed, resting my chin in his soft silver hair, running my fingers through it. It'd gotten so much longer.   
  
"Riku.. I miss your smiles."   
  
Riku always had an odd sort of sarcasm about him. He could be cynical, but it was usually all in playfulness. He'd always follow up with one of his smiles, and suddenly the world would be right again. Suddenly, everything would be okay.   
  
Maybe he's the cause of my childhood naivety. I'll never be sure.   
  
"Sora..?"   
  
I glanced down. Riku had awakened, staring up at me. I hated those eyes now. That wonderful, bright aqua gaze from the past was gone. There was a hollow sadness that filled them now, dulled their once brilliant luster. I turned away. He made a soft noise, struggling to sit up a little further.   
  
"..wh.. why do.. you still care..?"   
  
_..why? What a stupid question, Riku. What a stupid question.._   
  
I stared at him. Yet another simple question with no simple answer. Or, perhaps, it should be simple. Perhaps a "because you're my best friend" would have sufficed. But I delved deeper into the question. I thought about it. He watched me, and I could see tears forming in his eyes again.   
  
_God, Riku. Don't cry. Please don't cry anymore._   
__   
_I can't stand to see you so hurt._   
  
I hugged him more tightly.   
  
"..you're stupid." I mumbled to him. He blinked at me in faint surprise. I continued. "..why shouldn't I still care?"   
  
"Everything I've done--"   
  
"No." I interrupted him harshly. He blinked at me again. He was like a child.. some little kid. It was like staring into the eyes of his seven-year-old self. "..Riku. A long while ago.. you told me you loved me. You said it. Remember? Right before all this happened."   
  
Riku stared at me, then shuddered at what were probably more memories rising to the surface. He huddled closer. I hated seeing him like this. He wasn't helpless. He wasn't supposed to be like this.   
  
"..I.." He whimpered faintly, shivering again. "..I.. I hurt you, Sora.." He murmured. My eyes narrowed, and my temper rose out of nowhere. I shoved him away. He skidded back in the sand, his eyes wide and starting to fill with tears again.   
  
"No. Stop crying. Riku, this isn't you. You're destroying yourself.. this needs to stop, Riku."   
  
"..I.. I can't.."   
  
More anger filled me. This wasn't Riku. This wasn't _my_ Riku!! This was some poor, defenseless child. Some stupid kid who didn't know anything but self-pity. Didn't he learn anything while we were gone for so long? All that fighting.. we were forced to grow up so fast. But I seemed to be the only one who retained that experience. Riku.. Riku was nothing but some helpless doll. A shattered form of who he used to be. Here he was. An 18-year-old failure.   
  
"Get up. Get _up_, Riku."   
  
"Sora.."   
  
"Get _UP_!" I shouted. I didn't know why I was so angry. Maybe it was leftover from everything that happened.   
  
All during my adventure, I remember thinking, so many times.. why me? Why was I the chosen one? Why wasn't Kairi, or Riku? Why was I the one with the Keyblade, the one the Heartless all sought after, the one who was destined to just barely escape death or the loss of my heart countless times, again and again?   
  
Why **_me_**?!   
  
Maybe it was him. Maybe it was Riku. How he gave up so fast, how he refused to do anything anymore.   
  
"..I'm trying.." He whispered. I could see his fists clenching, could see him struggling. But he couldn't. He couldn't move. It was physically impossible for him. I could feel my sudden anger dissipate as fast as it had appeared, and I rushed forward. I reached down, grasping his hand and helping him back to his feet. He looked at me, confusion evident on his face. I turned away, understanding why.   
  
"Sorry." I muttered. Riku leaned his head against my shoulder.   
  
"..no.. it's okay. You're.. right. I'm not.. not good for anything, or anyone.. like this, am I?" He sighed, looking at me.. some of that despair had faded away. He managed a weak smile. I blinked, then smiled back.   
  
"I'll tell you what, Riku." I said, and he looked at me, curious. "..you come back to my house, eat something, and get some sleep.. and I'll stay with you this time.. and forgive you for everything."   
  
He stared at me for a long time, and as he did, I could see the remnants of that despair falling away from him. I could see that shell of hopelessness vanish from around him. My heart lifted slightly, and he grinned at me.   
  
_There_ was my Riku.   
  
I beamed, my old grin, the one I knew he'd remember, returning to my face. It seemed like it had been a lifetime since I'd smiled like that. He nudged me playfully.   
  
"Fine, we have a deal. So long as you're not cooking."   
  
We laughed.   
  
We really.. _truly_ laughed. For the first time since we left our island a few years ago. It was like heaven, being able to laugh like that again. We headed to our boats, prepared to go back to the mainland.   
  
I know that things will never be the same.   
  
I know things are changed, now.   
  
I know we won't ever go back to the way things were before. Before all this had happened.   
  
I know that we all know this. Somewhere, within the depths of our minds, we all know we've changed, that nothing can ever be exactly the same again.   
  
But.. maybe if we just keep trying. If we just keep working hard enough..   
  
Maybe the old wounds of heroes can start to heal.   
  
~*~**Fin.**   
  
You like? ^^; I thought it was pretty good..   
  
Reviews= ^^!   
  
~The Ambitious Blank 


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